I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
