He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
