She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
