Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
