Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
