Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
