you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
