I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
