yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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