The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
