I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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