Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
