I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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