yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
