meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
