I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
