Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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