Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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