If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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