Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
