Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
