I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
