I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Someone shit on the floor
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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