Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
