Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
