I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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