so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
