I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
