Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just googled if crying burns calories
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
