its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
