Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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