dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
In America we eat man semen.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
