I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
