Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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