i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
