I look better un-naked...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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