There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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