i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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