I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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