Do you still have your period?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
