I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
