you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
