I should be sponsored by Trojan
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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