There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I want to fling myself into the sun
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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