Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
