I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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