Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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