I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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