so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
