I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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