i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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