Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
